Cold hands, warm shart.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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