Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
