If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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