im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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