I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
