im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
