Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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