I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
