We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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