i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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