I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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