Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
