We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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