i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
