ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
