Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
