you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
