tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
