Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
