Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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