During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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