Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
