he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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