I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
