she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
