Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
