Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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