Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
