Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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