drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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