Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did you just see the Batmobile???
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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