I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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