it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
