I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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