playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
