his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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