when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was born a porn star she said
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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