hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
