I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we made out on top of his cat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
