It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
