God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
