strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
