Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
