And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
