After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
