just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
