Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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