Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
