one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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