I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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