i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
