Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
