I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
