nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
