suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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