we're blogging at a bar
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
