i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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