I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
