We're like a lot better than the average bears
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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