I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
