Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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