I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
