Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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