Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
