If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
