Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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