I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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