My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
