it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you win again, gameday.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
