Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So squirting runs in the family.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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