it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
