Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize