all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
